Harder than Ever

Each day, I feel myself pushing harder and harder to keep the progress and consistency that I've built up over the past year.

I want to live well for Jesus. I want my life to be a reflection of the godly values associated with the Kingdom of God. I want to embody godly traits like love, humility, faith, sacrifice, etc. I want my living well for Christ to transform my work, my family, and most importantly, myself. I have a vision for myself and my life in Christ.

But living well for Jesus is harder than it looks. Each day, I am met with various responsibilities to fulfill, multiple tasks to complete, unexpected situations to manage, and a plethora of distractions to avoid. I've been on this modern monastic journey for over a year now and I feel like I've only begun scratching the surface of what it means to follow Jesus deeply. The further I go into this deep spiritual lifestyle, the more I realize how far I am from where I want to be. And that's a good realization to make. God remains patient and gracious towards me. It keeps me humble knowing that I haven't "made it." I know I have a very long way to go.

I half-expected the journey to get easier as time goes by. And indeed, some things have become easier over time. For example, it's easier than ever to find 3-4 hours for prayer and contemplation each day. Carving out three hours today seems like nothing compared to when I started. When I started this journey, just finding 1.5 hours for prayer was a challenge. But not everything has gotten easier over time. It's harder than ever to overcome distractions. It's harder than ever to keep developing myself (it's tempting to just coast with the progress that I've already made). It's harder than ever to keep the daily spiritual discipline alive and not let my spiritual life and progress slip away. Each day, I feel myself pushing harder and harder to keep the progress and consistency that I've built up over the past year.

And perhaps, that's how it's meant to be. The "honeymoon" period is over. I must recognize that. Now, the tougher work of staying consistent and growing even further in my walk with Christ begins. It's like the newbie gymgoer who's just starting out. When everything is new and exciting, it's not so difficult to stay consistent. They're motivated by novelty and excitement. But a year passes by and the "honeymoon" period is over. The real work of staying consistent at going to the gym and developing themselves further begins. And that will take hard work on their part.

I must recognize that this is a new phase in the growth of my spiritual journey. It will take hard work. I can easily coast if I want to. Or if I'm not careful, I might stop the habit altogether. Or I can work even harder with the Holy Spirit to go further and deeper in my spiritual journey. I hope I will end up choosing the latter.

Barnabas the Monastic

Servant of Christ. Husband. Dad. Modern Monastic. I have a wild ambition in life: get as close to the Lord Jesus Christ as I can while on earth. I explore and integrate ancient Christian monk wisdom in modern everyday life. Lives in Canada.