Get the Family on Board
The best way to get support from your family is to show them that you're transforming for the better as a person.
Living as a modern monastic means I spend lots of time in solitude for prayer and meditation. This can pose a unique challenge if you're raising a family. I happen to have a wife and a young son. In order for me to continue becoming a modern monastic, I have to make sure that my family willingly supports the idea. I certainly don't want them to be against it. Although I never expect my wife or my son to become a modern monastic like me, I do hope they would support my personal pursuit of getting really close to Christ through cultivating rigorous daily spiritual disciplines.
Because I spend ample amounts of time in prayer and meditation (about 3.5 hours per day on average), that obviously leaves less time for me to be with my family. This kind of lifestyle can possibly cause tension in the family if it's not managed well. I want my family to support my spiritual efforts and not simply tolerate it or worse, be against it. So, there are a few things I need to keep in mind so that my family life is healthy while I pursue a monk-like lifestyle.
Firstly, I don't force my family to join me in this monastic-like spiritual journey . They can choose to pursue Christ in the way they desire. And that may look different from what I do. I will support them in their unique spiritual journey and I will not judge them for not doing it the way I do.
Secondly, if I spend ample amounts of time with God, I will make sure to spend ample amounts of time with my family too. In particular, I will spend time with my wife going on date nights, watching TV shows she likes (we watch The Chosen series together), or simply sitting and talking. I will often let my wife know if I intend on spending a longer than usual amount of time in solitude for prayer. It's important that I keep her informed so she knows what to expect. This will help reduce frustrations. I will then try to make up for any lost family time.
Thirdly, I will make sure that I do my responsibilities at home. I want to avoid tensions because I'm neglecting my household duties while heavily pursuing spiritual disciplines. I want to avoid being seen as slacking off and putting more responsibilities on my wife than I should. So, I make sure I do what I'm responsible for such as washing the dishes, cleaning the washroom, and tending the yard. More so, I try my best to go above and beyond. I'll try to cook once in a while. I will look after our son to give my wife a break. I will even take on some of my wife's responsibilities whenever I can. I want to make sure that my wife feels like I'm carrying my weight when it comes to home responsibilities. If she knows that I'm not neglecting my duties, she'll be more open to me spending ample amounts of time with the Lord.
Lastly, the best way to get support from your family is to show them that you're transforming for the better as a person. Part of the whole reason I started on this modern monastic journey is to change myself and become a better follower of Jesus who lives out His values better in the world. If my family can see the benefits of me spending lots of time with the Lord (i.e. more patient, kind, responsible, etc.), they won't just tolerate my spiritual habits. They will cheer me on to keep pursuing them. And that's because they know they will end up with a better husband and father. And that's what I want too.
Barnabas the Monastic
Servant of Christ. Husband. Dad. Modern Monastic. I have a wild ambition in life: get as close to the Lord Jesus Christ as I can while on earth. I explore and integrate ancient Christian monk wisdom in modern everyday life. Lives in Canada.
